one of my angsty moments.

There is always one of these nights. It never really fails that I will stay awake trying to push nagging thoughts away but it never works.
Of course I regret it the minute morning hits and ayva is up and ready to start a new day of exploring. But, thats what she does best and it's what keeps me waking up to a new day.
I wish I could sit down. and catch up with every friend I've ever missed in this chaotic military life. Believe me, there is plenty. to all of you, who may or may not read this blog. Hell, who may not even know you've made an impact on my life... I miss you. I don't , not write, because I don't care. Sometimes I get caught up in the frenzy of emotions that is my life and I simply forget to. But that never means that I forget you.
I think that people here think that I am snobby. Maybe. I really don't know what they think but I know that I certainly may come of that way at times.
I've built this wall around myself because I'm so scared of being let down. All I want is a true friend that I can let into the deepest corners of my soul and never fear that they would take advantage of my weak spots. But everytime I let someone through a crack in the wall. That is what happens. When will I learn to just be a friend and have a friend. and not worry. Not let them in to deep, but don't push them away. I'm not sure if this makes much sense, but I suppose these blogs are for my own reflection anyway.
I'm ready for anthony to come home. ha. If it were only that easy right? I'm done being sad. I'm done being lonely. I've hit the pissed off stage.
You know this stage.
When you want to find whoever is responsible for sending him there and ship him in a box labeled Iraq and on the return address slot simply write " Don't Bother"
Sick mood I'm in. I know. I can't help it. We're 10 whole months into this stupid, stupid deployment and the only emotion I can think to feel right now is anger. Just bring him home safe. God don't deprive my daughter of knowing this wonderful man who is her father. And my husband.
Obviously this is a whole lot of random rantings. but hell, this is what I do best.
I've been told that I only seem to write when my emotions are running hot. I guess I'm living up to that.